stories for your brain recorder

 

de Construction

Out the door she called 'be prepared.'  'Why?'  'See ya' with a door slam. 'I want to talk to you .' Bend in the hall, tumbling, he sees her at the table, sitting in front of a typewriter which is in pieces. 'No matter, I'll get another on my way home.' She looks to chill him before ice-picking.

She chased his exit and got there first. He stood facing her. She grabbed his wrist and held it fast. He winced. 'I want to talk to you.' 'Okay, let's talk. Like, tell me why you broke my typewriter if you need something to talk to me about.' She twisted his wrist. 'I don't like that.' Their eyes met and for a moment, sufficient, he stopped resisting her.

'Russian roulette.' 'You said,' pointing to the pile in her hand. 'You reminded me.' Opening the gown, she revealed her naked right breast, and the light scar that was all that remained on the left side. Below, fecundity intact by all appearance, her body attracted him.

He pulled her down, on her back, on the floor, legs around his waist, leaning back. He traced a heart on her ruined breast.

***

Dora shook him awake.

'I have been thinking about space. I have seen the universe and know that it is a small object in space. I am upset because I know that once I have moved beyond the point where the faint light of my universe is no longer visible, I know that I will no longer know if I am moving or not. There will be nothing but space forever and forever and it is too big for me.'

'I know. It won't matter any more. You can stop.' 'When we have an eternity of blackness before us. Is that what people mean when they say that there is nothing?' He looked at her nose, avoiding her eyes. 'When you find yourself alone, stop.'

'No, I'm not going to stop. I'm going to continue until I can't. Then I will wait. Still, it shakes me. It makes me feel so strange. I feel so insecure knowing that beyond the universe is endless nothing.' 'You find it alluring. You are afraid, but fascinated. I don't know what comes next with empty space. That we talk about it puts us in a bit of a fringe and that works for us. But other people don't understand when we talk this way. That's because they think that the universe itself is endless. They don't know. But it's strange. I wish you wouldn't do it so much.'

'It doesn't matter. I want you to talk about the vastness. I want to see it. What nothing looks like. Endless space is a thing. It's your object. I can't understand how it can be yours. I have tried. I'm frightened because space seems so much bigger. I can't.'

Stop, she shouted when drunk. She shouted go till you stop just as often. Shouted. 'So I've heard.' Stop.

***

'I'm leaving you.' 'Not again.' 'I want to know what its like to be in complete darkness.' 'just go into a large room with no windows.' 'Very funny. I want to know what it is really like. I want to know what it is like to be so far away from the universe of light that I cannot distinguish anything, except cold and darkness. Plus, I don't want to touch anything, there's no floor, no free fall toward one. That's what I want.'

'Don't you want to use up your life a bit, I mean, before you go.' 'I want to start now. Come with me.' 'By no means.' 'Suppose I were to poison you?' 'And yourself?' 'Naturally.' 'Suppose one of us didn't die. Suppose it matters that you die at the same time? Suppose not doing so sends us on different trajectories. What then?' 'Then I will be alone, and I will do all of the things that I want to do, anyway.' 'So why kill me?' 'Because I don't want you to be alone here, while I am dead.' 'So, you will pull me into a trajectory toward nothing, waiting to be brought back by the pull of the universe to save me from being alone, which I will be anyhow?'

'No, that doesn't work. I said that I was leaving you, so I won't.' 'I'm glad.'

She returned to staring at herself in favorite weapon number two, her hand mirror.

 

 

'Come out on to the roof with me.' 'In a minute.' 'I noticed something the other day. We should go have a look.' 'Very nice, that.

'Is anything taking?' 'Almost, I think.' 'Don't think. Know.' 'Oh, shut up.'

'Look, see the little tree? it is called Ailanthus, the Tree of Heaven from China. It grows in places like that crevice. And look at the weed. It has gotten quite huge since I saw it last.'

She shielded her eyes from the sun so that she could see him clearly. 'Much of it from the air around it. It picks up the dew. But the Ailanthus can draw moisture from the parched ground.'

She stretched, letting the sun play on her body. 'You know, I've gotten used to all of this concrete and crumbling brick. There are no sirens, but nothing to burn, anyway. Plus, I'm on a first name basis with all of the worms.

'There it goes. Oh, I almost can't stand it. Water. I can't stand it. Shimmering. Ugh. It feels better than an orgasm. I fall if I can't hold onto something like a wall. It's getting stronger. It's happening with each pleasure. Not you. You, I push on your back and place my foot on your belly. Yes.' 'Who are you talking to?' 'I'm talking to your pussy.' 'His name's not pussy, it's Paws'nWhiskers; and he isn't my cat. He roams.'

'The pleasure thing. It's almost unbearable. It's a good thing that our hall is so narrow, or else I'd be falling all over the place. I shimmer. I collapse. It's the most incredible thing; I've never heard of this sort of thing. It feels so beautiful that I'm ready to fall. That's why I need a wall. But it's o' so clumsy. I can't control it.'

Her eyes swim. She falls back into his arms. He is smiling and she feels secure.

'I'm your wall.' 'You are my lean-to.'

 

***

'It was too odd, being outside. I don't know anyone but you.' 'There's your sister.' 'I don't know her. But this thing; it's getting deeper. I'm not here, and you aren't with me. I can only take so much of you, and you are the only one that I want to waste time on.' 'You have a lot of it. I should think that you would get less out of more.' 'No. I never seem to have enough. Besides, I'm slow.'

'I'm thinking.' 'Oh, I hate disturb you.' 'I try to believe you.' 'No you don't. But I've got this fabulous IQ teaser. "Suppose you were handed a dense document. You are required to parse the document quickly. You choose to use the simplest method available, a single stroke. What is the most important rule for reading it?"' 'The beginning of the pen stroke rules.' 'I hate you. It took me minutes to think of that.' 'It's a grade seven problem.' 'Grade nine at the least. I'm not that slow.'

'Ugh. Look at it. My tall finger. This one. Look closely. That's twice as big as it was yesterday. I don't remember when it started.' 'It looks strange. It's like your skin is pulling away from you.' 'I feel nothing when I touch it. Oh, I'm getting creepy scales. Nasty shimmer. What's happening to my body?' 'It made contact with our well balanced diet.' 'Well, there's that. None of the kids look healthy. Look at me. Another sore. And all of the bedbug bites.' 'Frost wounds from the winter that won't heal. It's inevitable. Our cave is cold.'

'That's not a bad idea.' 'What?' 'We could move.' 'But why? Our wreck rates high.' 'Won't you buy me a drink?' 'I was just imagining the street before the wreckers' ball.' 'You look Baleen.' 'You too, Dotto.' 'Thank you, destroyer.

'I wonder about the street. All those piles of brick. Why don't you build something out of the rubble. Why don't you break up the brick and make the grains into new bricks?' 'Because there is no permanence.'

'What is this with my finger. Don't tell me that it is impermanent. How will I play the flute?' 'Perhaps it is not your finger.' 'Go away. My finger is attached to my hand which has no defect as of yet. Look at those kids.' 'We should do more for them, I suppose.' 'Look at their damned elbows. It's all scar tissue. So am I.' 'Don't make so much noise.' 'Why. What does it matter?' 'It disturbs my ragged peace, plus there are others nearby who may want to enjoy their twilight.' He drew her closer. She bit his hand. Tense, then release. She liked it.

She is all limbs akimbo, struck down by a prolonged autumn heat-wave. 'It feeds on my moisture and has turned my skin to dried tomato.' ' Oh, look. Dried orange.' 'Christmas tree ornaments in two months. I'll remind you.' 'I shall paint them both an intermediate shade of red-orange.' 'Yes, dear. Hell red suits you. But don't bother. Your face looks like hell as it is.'

'I don't know which I hate more. The long summer heat, the water that gets harder to drink. Being thirsty enough to drink it.' 'Or being so cold that you can't eat your food which is cold too.' 'Then we set the place on fire.' 'I suppose you can always get warm, but you can never cool down.' 'But you freeze to death.' 'Anyhow, you can die from dehydration or maybe the river water. Probably.' She coughs and snickers. 'How about mashing turnips with a hatchet and chomping on the shards. The stuff has no taste.' 'The turnip is the only vegetable that I know of that is rock hard at any temperature.' 'No, look at the coconut.' 'Nah, it's easy to smash one. You could do it with an axe no matter what the season.'

'Would you say that endless is without end. Like the endless pit?' 'I suppose.' 'Perhaps then, the endless pit, in darkness, would resemble blackest space. Who can say? Plus, the pit can be warm. Oh, imagine. It gets hot on the near side of endless depending on how big the rocket on your back happens to be. You would reach the hot part of endless quickly. Or, you could reach it slowly.' 'Like, say, 16 feet per second slow?' 'It doesn't matter.' 'Eventually then, even the slowest of travelers through the endless pit will reach the hot part?' 'Why not.' 'You contrast this with the deep blackness of space. You know, heated matter begins to glow. Eventually the channel of your pit will be visible, and a near time afterward, something thrown into the endless pit will be consumed by flame.' 'Yes, then there is nothing.' 'Does it hurt on the way down?' 'Of course. It's just like death. A moment of shock, followed by several minutes of watching the world around you, unable to move your eyes. If a corpse were out in a field or atop some blasted out wreck like ours, the birds would pick at its eyes, but by then they'd be filmy.' 'Top form today?' 'My eyes hurt. I think that they are getting filmy.'

'Our diet sucks too bad. Steal something for me. I don't care how you do it.' 'Eat what is in front of you.' 'Stop talking to me as if I was your fucking child.' 'Stop treating me like your slave.' 'You are. Fool. Get me water.' 'Let's go get some.' 'Let's go into the city and steal some of the real stuff. I'm going to go without you.' Laughter. 'You're so lazy that I'll bet you.' 'I'm conserving energy.' 'That's okay. Come to get water. For all you know, wasting energy now might make you live a day longer.' 'Well, it is hard to say. But no. I have plans for today, and besides, I don't want you to disturb me. Just get nice water. Last time, it was barely tolerable.' 'You know that the well is finished. We must go down to the river and you must come. You must come. Don't be a strain.' 'I've nothing nice to wear.'

***

'Aina. You're back. I was beginning to think we'd lost you.' 'Back with awful stuff, I'm afraid. What happened?' 'What?' 'His Eminence's typewriter.' 'I smashed that one up good. He threw the parts out the window over the rust-pile.' 'Is he coming back?' 'He's just gone to fetch water.' 'Out of the creek?' 'No, the river.' 'Good, I forgot to mention that the creek became heavy almost on schedule.' 'Sad, that; the creek water is sort of drinkable. How can a bit of sludge make matters worse? The river has a huge dead zone.' 'That doesn't matter. Heavy metals and sludge will poison the creek water.' 'So does liquor. And sludge water is a fair side cheaper. Lets walk down and check out the lay of the creek. Help me up. Don't mind my garments; the heat has evaporated my pride.'

'When did you go from lil' cute kid fetch me some water to being the one who explains things. I know about the silly water. I'm not going to the river, oh, what a horrid place it is. You know that the big plateau will be heavy for thousands of years. You are worried about a little sludge in the creek; the river has sludge flowing into it like a full time job.' 'You are wrong, and stubborn.' 'You betcha. I'll stick a fork in each and every one of your backs when you least expect it.' 'You're a bight of tight as it is.' 'Don't play games with me. I taught you how to play those games.' 'You used to be fun.' 'Let's go to the creek. I want to swim in the little circle spot so carefully dug by yours and company.'

'It's an umbrella day today.' 'Oh, yes, look at that fantastic blue. No wind, no air. Oh, let's rush before the water evaporates and the creek dries up.' 'I'm not going to go to the creek, I'm going to the river. Why don't you join me?' 'Have I been asleep or something? When did everybody start talking about going to river.' 'It's just recent. Here. Step over.' 'Ouch. It's too hot, even under the umbrella.'

Two sisters follow a meandering path through a rubble filled, vacant lot. Some kids throw bricks at seagulls. Sometimes they try to hit other bricks.

 

 

'I know what my shimmering is. It's nirvana. It must be.' 'Let me check that. Nirvana. Hum. Oh, I opened the dictionary to nitrogen narcosis. That's within pages of nirvana. Anyhow, be it as may: Nitrogen narcosis is. Oh, bloody lenses. Here we go.. Oh, well. You may have nitrogen narcosis. It is a state of euphoria ham, very much a case of deep sea diving. Perhaps not.' 'I'm not euphoric; that's so dull. I'm shimmering. Nirvana, please.' 'Most strange. Nirvana and nitrogen narcosis are on the same piece of paper. That's like the time I opened the Holy Bible to Job when' 'oh, stop talking. Give me the dictionary. Oh yes. That's it. Imagine, if I had it all of the time I wouldn't be able to stand.' 'Perhaps it will make you mute.' 'No, I moan with pleasure.'

***

'Your E-dunce. I have die Walkure playing in my head now. The chainsaw bit that it opens with.' 'I knew it well when I still had ears.' 'You're terrible. Your hearing is perfectly good.' 'My eyes are getting worse, too.' 'Good thing then, I suppose in a lemonade kinda way.' 'Lemonade would help, as would carrots I suppose. I have got to eat more carrots.' 'I would, but I want to be blind in my desire for you.' 'Am I that unattractive?' 'No, but you act unattractively when you don't let me' 'finish your sentence. Yes. Sorry. We'll talk later.' 'I want to finish my sentence.' 'I am sorry about that.' 'You appear to be addicted to interruption. Your thickness never quite goes away. I'm sorry about that.' 'I know.'

'You know, I have been thinking a lot about how our genes survive ice ages. I see adaptation here in these pictures. Look at them.' 'Oh, yes.' 'These people are obese. Being fatted up like this makes it easier to withstand cold. Cold. You know.' 'I can't remember. Too hot.' 'I've also wondered about islands that have tall mountains. The people who lived on them were isolated by great distances from everybody else.' 'True.' 'Those people had a mountain to walk up as the waters rose. All the bliss of the garden. I have a memory of it.' 'What's it like?' 'It is very much like a big whirlpool bath. But there's more. There is an essence, a bliss. All of the details are there. The little things. It is similar to heaven, but more like a waiting room. Oh, the sensation.'

'Your duality is emerging. You talk about space. Later, you want to talk about sensation. You engage yourself in a debate. You frame it in the manner of a conversation.' 'There's no duality. None. I don't know what you're talking about. I talk about both because you can do nothing with space but add sensation. Sensation.' 'Ah, yes. Energy. Space is very cold.' 'And sensation is always hot. Here, let me tickle you. Now, don't you feel even hotter than before?

Go fetch some water. Get my sister to go with you. Go to the creek.' 'Please and thank you. We'll go to the river to have sex, build up a thirst and get some water.' 'That sounds nice. Are you attracted to her?' 'Why not. She's pretty.' 'It's very strange. No, maybe it isn't. So, have you two? Don't give me the evil eye. How dare you give me the evil eye. It's a perfectly reasonable question. Besides, how do you know that I would mind? Oh, I mostly would. But I'm not certain. I'm interested in talking to you. I won't let you go to her bed because of it. Don't answer. But don't think that I have given you consent because of what I may have implied.' 'I'm tempted, but I fear the verbal onslaught that would follow.' 'To lie down with her, or to answer my question?' 'You are doing to me the very thing that I was accused by you of doing to you.' 'Don't lose your temper. It's most unpleasant to watch. Oh, that looks painful. Go play with my little sister. I want to think about something.' 'Perhaps little sister and I will find another wreck to live in.' 'Very good. Goodbye. I've got plenty to think about as I starve to death.' 'I think that you overestimate your value to us.' 'So you do go down on my sister. I knew it.'

'I have just had an eavesdrop or two.' 'People hate you.' 'Oh, I should say so. No more than before, no more articulate, for that matter. It makes me sad.' 'You would think that repeated discussions would be conducive to better arguments eventually.' 'Here's what they don't like. I have translated it into English at great cost of time, so I expect something in return.' 'Like raindrop to a flower.' 'Oh, that would do well. First of all, they get all frust-ra-ted about my habit of turning a complaint of theirs into something to use against them. I mean really. That's so horrible.' 'Keep your voice down if you plan to be so sarcastic.' 'Oh, fudge. They're all deaf anyhow. That's what happens to boys who throw bricks at each other. How could they have been so hideously stupid. It's no wonder that they need to have someone to tell them what to do with their meaty paws. It's hard enough to get them to part with the vegetables that I put great strains upon myself to cause to be grown. You have to teach them constantly. Of course I use their complaints against them. How could I do otherwise?' 'An empress reduced to rubble. Rome would laugh at us. The structures that they built lasted a thousand years.'

'What I would give for running water.' 'What would you give?' 'Thousands of stupid brick-throwing people.' 'I doubt that the Romans would look twice at your slaves. There are plenty of fresh ones to be had, often educated.' 'Yes, of course. Wine pouring 101. Fan waving 222: That's a prerequisite.' 'And genuinely useful. That's the first idea that you have had in some time that I agree with.' 'It's not an idea. It's a joke. I don't want to have some brick-eared inbred no-mind entering my bedroom. But you can fan me. Anytime. Go, fetch us a fan. Oh, you're so sweet when you get angry. Why, if you were a balloon, you'd burst. Tee hee. Gotten under your skin.' 'No, you're incredible. Get your own fan.'

Darkened sky, close to twilight, she wears no scarf.

***

'You should start to wear your ring again. Then the stranger girls will leave you alone.' 'You know, you're right. I should. I would save me a lot of wear and tear. But I can't find it.' 'Why don't you wear your other ring. The one that makes you look queer or a mano-go.' 'Is that a numerophone?' 'Obviously not. If it were, it would be man zero gee zero. A couple more. No, that's Go. As in Gotterdammerung. It's what I'm listening to at the moment.' 'Do you ever repeat segments.' 'All the time. Oh, it's awful. Getting stuck in a loop. It turns The Ring into fifty-one hours of enjoyment. No, not that much.' 'Imagine what it is like when it's a pop song.' 'Oh, I have weaved a number of tempting medleys into a larger whole, including segues into classical. I'd share the music with you, but you can't receive.' 'I have my own methods, but thanks for asking.' 'I didn't. Your use of language is slipping. You have spent too much time in the fields speaking the language of the majority. I have a brickwork or two for you.'

***

'Get away from me, you. You smell like a slaughterhouse. Oh, don't touch me. Now I have the smell of the slaughterhouse too. You know, there was once a dog that ate the scraps of a pig; the bottom ribs at the hind. Even when cooked these scraps stank. A person wouldn't eat that. Because the dog ate these scraps, it began to smell like them. The scraps.' 'Oh, I'm paying attention, and thank you for your the comment on my state of stink. I was selecting bricks. It is hard work with no coffee break.' 'Oh yes. Cafezina.' 'I wonder why the scraps smelled so hellishly. Why the pig? I would suppose that one part of the pig would smell much like the other. But that's not the way it is. Do you know why some parts of a pig would be of so mal an odeur.' 'Perhaps in the hands of a skilful chéf it is transformed.' 'Oh I very much doubt it.'

Next in this series: re: Assembly

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